Ok, so this is something completely new for me. Nothing I have ever done or tried before. But Im trying to find new ways to express my self, and I think this is a good way of doing it. So let me tell you all a little bit about myself.
My name is Tiffany. I am 23, as of June 22, and I am a Cancer (the astrological thing on here was saying I am a Gemini, but I know better then that). I am the oldest of 4 children my parents have together. I have 2 younger sisters whom are, 21 and 18. I also have a baby brother who is almost 17. I was married for 4 years and a few days, before I filed for divorce. Nothing too bad, just change in lifes paths for both of us. But now I am currently engaged, to a guy who I think is amazing. Now what other people think and see, not so much. But at some point I will get to that. But I am short (5'0") I have long brown hair, glasses, brown eyes. Over all I think I am a beautiful women, but I also have flaws that I think make me not such a beautiful women. Also at some point I may discuss them, just depends on what I feel like talking about at the time I decide to write again. If you havent noticed I am very chatty. I talk a lot, and sometimes my mouth over rides what my brain is telling me to do, or not to do. Not that I am saying anything horrible. I just speak faster then I can think.
In my short 23 years of life, I have accomplished quite a bit, but I have also failed at just as much. Growing up, I was abused physically by my father. the first time I remember him hitting me I was 5 years old. I am not going to get into the whole story, but he use to be an alcoholic and the smallest of smallest things would set him off in a rage. But he hit me in my diaphragm and not the wind out of me for several minutes. And the last time that I can remember him hitting me was when I was 16 years old. We had gotten into an argument, and me being the Miss Know-it-all at that time, I walked away. Hoping to just end the argument. Oh boy was I wrong. He followed me upstairs, and as I was shutting my bedroom door, he kicked it in, grabbed me by my hair. He threw me up against the wall, lifted me off the floor as he was chocking me. Thats all I remember to this day. But I do remember, that he never harmed my siblings once.
So what I always try to figure out is, Why me? What did I ever do that was soooo wrong, that he felt the need to harm me? To this day I still do not know. But he does tell me that I am a waste of space and oxygen. That I should not have been born. (my mother was 14 when she got pregnant with me). I dont understand how he hates me sooo much. I try my damnedest to make him happy, and not mad at me or find ways to bring me down in the mistakes that I make as a human. I just wish it was easier to find ways to make him happy, and proud of me. I dont even know if that is possible to be honest. It seems like, no matter what it is I do, he always finds way to look at the bad of it.
So, next time I write I will tell you about my life through school, and what I did to help better myself, and hope that I could please my father.
Until then, I hope whom ever, if anyone for that matter, that reads this will come back to find out more about me, and my experiences in my life. I am open to advice if any one has it. Thank you, and until next time..........
